After a whole summer of serving at Qwanoes in
ministry I was exhausted and new I needed a break. Going home as I began to
think and pray about this coming year in the Kaleo program I began finding
myself doubting and pondering this whole idea of being involved in church
ministry. Not just any church ministry though, a church ministry other than the
one I was involved in all year back home. Throughout the summer I was very
hesitant to get involved in a church here in BC because I didn’t know exactly
what it would be like and I guess you can say I was scared. I liked things the
way they were back home and so much had been changing around me since coming
out to BC. I wasn’t yet ready for a new church. In saying this I will admit I
did not go to church once throughout the whole summer except at the beginning
when we all went together. I was so involved in my church back home that I
continued to hold onto everything that was going on back home. The ministries I
was involved in and the services I attended. I wanted everything to be the
same.
Coming into the Kaleo
program I knew that part of the program would involve me getting connected to a
church which would become my home church for the next 8 months. This was a
frightening thought for me because I had managed to avoid this all summer and I
was afraid that as I went into this new church ‘Bethel Tabernacle’ that I would
have a terrible time, be miserable and just look for parts of it to put down
because in my mind the only place I wanted to be was Innerkip Church back home
in Ontario. My role at this church would be me volunteering and helping in the
youth group on Fridays. I wasn’t sure at first how this would go because I was
so used to my youth group back home and the involvement I had with it. At first
I was out of my comfort zone. I had no idea how much I should do or should not
do. I didn’t know if I should reach out to people or sit back at first. As I
struggled with the role I should take I found myself feeling insecure. My mind
filled with all these fears of what others may think of me there. The ideas or
thoughts people might have of me if I am like I was back home so I kept to
myself a lot. I held back and was closed off. I found it hard at first to
connect with the youth because I was so used to having a youth group of all
Christians and I was now going into a youth group with 60/40 ratio where 60
percent where not Christians. I was afraid that for me taking a leadership role
that would hold me back more because I’ve grown up most of my life surrounded with
Christian friends and people. As I began thinking about this role over the week
that has been following I realized this is what I’ve been praying for and
hoping for, for so much of my past year. My dream has been to be able to
through Christ bring people to a place where they know the love of Christ and
experience him in a way that they realize he is so real and they make a choice
for themselves to follow after him with all their life. I love seeing people
going on a journey. I noticed my placement in this youth group is perfect as I
will get to love people to Christ with Christ’s love. I realized I have nothing
that I should hold back because it is through me that God is going to be able
to impact people that are so closed off. I praise God now as I reflect on this
youth group because I know I once was them. I was in a place where I thought
God was boring and now I get the opportunity to be able to help, encourage and
see kids get excited for God.
I believe a struggle
with this ministry opportunity is going to be following what God asks me to do
and not letting the fear stop me. Just watching myself and how I reacted at
youth on the past Friday I realized that I was scared, I shied away from
opportunities I could have had because of the fear of being judged, and looked
down upon. I know that this is going to be an incredible opportunity now as I
reflect, but also realize the struggle it will be in stepping outside what I am
used to and what I am comfortable with. Realizing that some of these kids have
difficult stories I know I will need Gods wisdom and exhortation on how to
connect with them, and how to counsel them in a way that is not condemning but
rather encouraging. I hope as I look at this year that God is going to help me
to step out of my comfort zone and just reach out to each individual and get to
know where their hearts are at and enable me to become more comfortable with
reaching out to each youth that attends gravity youth. As I look at this year I
am excited for all that I know Christ is going to do at this youth group
knowing his mighty power that he is going to use to transform peoples lives.
Thanks for all you shared, Lokadia!
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